Fear and Divorce – What You Should Know

In my experience, there are several common fears that most divorce clients have as they enter a process that will dramatically change their lives.  Those fears start with:

  • What are their post-divorce finances going to look like?
  • Are they going to be able to afford the same lifestyle they had before?
  • Are they going to have to move or sell their house?
  • And there is a fear of the unknown about how the divorce process works.  For most clients they really don’t know anything about how it works and that can be scary.

Helping to Deal with the Fears

My consultations are usually about an hour and a half long.  I want to take the time listen to your story.  I want to hear your concerns.  I think listening is the most important first step.  There is a lot of information provided in that first consultation.  For example, you may have received a divorce petition and you may be worried about responding.  Some deadlines are important, and others are not, my job is to provide you as the client with information that can begin to calm those fears.

Is there a divorce process that is better than another for helping to alleviate fear?

I have found that a lot of people like to be in control of their divorce process.  What scares them the most about court is the lack of control.  The idea that some judge is going to make decisions for them.  They are looking for control over the final decisions and the Mediation and Collaborative Divorce process gives them a lot more control.  In the Collaborative Divorce process, you are an active participant in the process.  Whereas in the court process you do not have the same level of participation.

The Collaborative Divorce process gives you the opportunity to talk about the issues that really concern you at the beginning of the case.  In the litigation process, it is more of a cookie cutter formula where things are dictated to you and may be forced upon you.  As a result, your primary concern may not get addressed until a lot later on in the case.  The nice thing about Collaborative Divorce is that when you want to talk about a specific subject, that is what we talked about first, which I think helps a lot.

Where to Start?

It is as easy as reaching out to us with a telephone call, email or through the website.  My assistant, Jackie, will talk to you for a few minutes about your background, your immediate needs and schedule an initial meeting.  During this time of COVID-19, we can meet by video conference whether it is by FaceTime, Zoom or other types of video mediums.  Some people are more comfortable with just doing it on the phone.  We are not doing in person meetings right now and because Cook County is basically shut down for in person meetings or court through the end of the year, everything is going to be virtual for the rest of the year.