Communicating with your spouse during the divorce process is often difficult. Communication while you were married was likely a big problem, and now you have to make decisions and communicate with each other especially if you have children. We have some suggestions that may make it easier.
Treat Communication Like a Business Transaction
If you can remove the emotion from your communication and treat it as you would a business transaction, you will find your communication improved. If you want to talk to your spouse about an ultimate issue, do more listening and asking questions and less talking.
At this stage, communication should be both orally and in writing. If you need your spouse to know something, call him or her, leave a voicemail if they do not answer, and then follow up with an email. Some people check their emails but never their voicemail and others just the reverse. Using both methods decreases stress and the writing can be used as evidence that you provided your soon to be ex the necessary information. It is very common for parents to accuse the other of not communicating about issues related to the children. Courts look favorably on a parent who shows the ability to communicate important issues to the other parent about the children.
Collaborative Divorce Aids in Communication
In a Collaborative Divorce, these types of communications occur within the safety of the Collaborative meetings. We don’t like to tell spouses not to talk to each other, but if your spouse raises an issue, it should be easy to deflect and say, “I’d like to talk to you about that, but let’s talk about it at the next meeting.”
The Collaborative Divorce process provides a safe setting where you can express your emotions without losing control of the conversation. The role of the mental health professional is to facilitate communication, so it makes it easier to hear what the other person is saying.
All professionals who are collaboratively trained have mediation like reframing the questions or answers that may come off as aggressive to the other spouse. This helps the other spouse actually hear what you are trying to communicate to them.
If you need help with any issue concerning your divorce, whether it is a traditional divorce process, collaborative divorce, or mediation, contact us at The Law Offices of Patrick Markey, P.C. Our practice is dedicated solely to the practice of family law.
I help clients minimize the destruction of divorce whether it be through the collaborative law model, the court process or mediation. My focus is on complex family law cases and representing professionals and their spouses who value a proactive solution orientated approach to their divorce. Our policy is to provide prompt responses and regular status updates to clients. Keeping the client informed about their cases is the highest priority. We as a firm are accessible when needed. Clients want a speedy resolution to their divorce or family law matter without sacrificing the best possible outcome. I am a strong advocate of the Collaborative Law and mediation dispute resolution methods for their ability to custom-craft solutions, minimize conflict and usually reduce the time of a case. Not only are we experts on family law, but we understand the impact of divorce on children and we help client’s develop co-parenting relationships. Clients deserve to be treated with kindness and empathy during this difficult time. We as a firm represent clients in a professional, ethical manner. The firm uses the latest technology to save time and make the client’s experience easier.
Recognition:
*Selected as an Illinois Super Lawyer by Super Lawyers Magazine for 2024. This distinction is limited to the top 5% of lawyers in each practice area. In 2015, selected as a “Rising Star” which is only granted to 2.5% of lawyers. Super Lawyers has a patented multi-phase process that includes independent research, peer nominations and peer evaluations.
* Chicago Bar Association Milton H. Grey Award for Outstanding Project Leadership (2012).
Involvement
*Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois (CLII) Executive Board Member
*Center for Conflict Resolution (CCR) Volunteer Mediator
*Chicago Bar Association Judicial Evaluation Committee