Key to a Successful and Quicker Divorce

Mental Health and Divorce

Taking Care of your Mental Health is a Key to a Successful and Quicker Divorce

Divorce cases are fairly easy.  I can figure out how to solve most of them in a few minutes after receiving all the relevant information I need from the parties.  However, it is no surprise to anyone that many divorces take a long time, sometimes several years.  A major reason for these long divorces is mental health issues for either the husband, wife or both parties.


Divorce is one of the most stressful events that a person will ever encounter. Some psychologists have rated divorce to be more stressful than the death of a close family member or even a jail sentence. The stress from the uncertainty of:  Will I see my children? or Will I be financially okay? cripples peoples ability to deal with the real issues of divorce such as division of property and child custody.  The pain of infidelity or just the loss of someone who does not want to be with them anymore lingers in divorce cases and affects individuals ability to deal with the real issues necessary to dissolve their marriage.

Take the stress out the best you can

In my experience, once the emotional issues are dealt with by both parties a case wraps up very quickly.  Once both parties have faced the reality of divorce and accept it, dividing the marital estate and working out a visitation schedule is fairly easy.  Unfortunately it takes both spouses to be able to do this and an individual can only control their own emotional issues or mental fitness.  I have a number of suggestions on how to do this:

1) Educate yourself on divorce law in your state.  Learn as much as you can online and discuss it with your attorney.  Take a financial inventory of your assets and liabilities.  If you do not know anything about finances because your spouse took care of that during the marriage, contact a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or other financial specialist who can educate and help you in decisions on whether to keep the house, etc.  They can also educate you on insurance and retirement accounts among other things.

2) Therapy. Seek out therapy to deal with the death of the marriage.  You will have a difficult time getting divorced if you have not fully dealt with these issues.  I do not believe that any individual can successfully get through a divorce without some sort of mental health therapy.  It does not matter how “tough” you consider yourself.

3) Support Group. Build a support group. Get involved in new things to take the focus off your divorce.   If you feel ready, start dating to get your mind off your ex. Go back to school. Get a job. Just do something. A divorce will consume you if you don’t have something to take your mind off it.

Take Advice

Most individuals going through a divorce have an attorney representing them.  Communicate with your attorney and do what they tell/ask you to do.  You will likely find that things will work out better for you if you do.  Since your attorney 1) knows the law, 2) is not dealing emotional issues and 3) has been through many divorce cases, they probably have good ideas and better judgment than under the circumstances.  If you cannot communicate with your attorney you should get a new one.  Your attorney is supposed to help decrease the stress of a case and not add to it.  It is easy to change attorneys–just go hire someone else.  Your new attorney will fire your old one (one more stressful thing you will not have to deal with)