When a child refuses to go with their other parent, it can signal deeper emotional or relational issues. The right response depends on the child’s age, reasons, and family dynamics. In many cases, therapy, especially reunification or co-parenting therapy, is key to understanding the underlying problem and repairing the parent-child relationship.
Understanding the Situation
When a child resists or outright refuses to spend time with their other parent, it is a deeply stressful experience for everyone. The best course of action depends on the child’s age and reasons for refusing.
- Teenagers may be more adamant and independent, making enforcement more difficult.
- Younger children, on the other hand, lack the means to “run away,” but may still resist transitions between parents.
In both cases, trying to understand why the child doesn’t want to go is important before taking any action.
The Role of Therapy and Reunification Support
Therapy often becomes the most effective path forward. Reunification therapy focuses on rebuilding trust and repairing the parent-child bond when there has been a breakdown in the relationship.
Sometimes, the problem stems from parental alienation. This can occur when a parent’s attitudes or behavior other parent influences a child’s view of their parent. This doesn’t always mean intentional coaching. More often, children absorb what they overhear: a parent venting frustrations or expressing fear about the other parent. Over time, this can create misplaced anxiety or loyalty conflicts for the child.
Early involvement of a qualified therapist can help determine whether the child’s fear or resistance is justified or the result of emotional influence.
How Collaborative and Mediation Processes Help
In these situations, Collaborative Divorce or Mediation can prevent or minimize these issues. Both approaches encourage parents to communicate constructively and focus on what is best for their children.
Courts, by contrast, typically move slowly and can only refer families to outside professionals. Mediation and collaborative models allow parents to act more quickly, by bringing in the right experts, such as therapists or child specialists, before the conflict escalates further.
Balancing What is Best for the Child
Ultimately, children benefit from having both parents in their lives with some exceptions. If a parent poses a genuine risk or there is evidence of abuse, protecting the child’s safety must come first. But in many cases, the problem lies in miscommunication, emotional spillover, or unresolved parental conflict.
Addressing those core issues, rather than simply forcing compliance, can lead to healthier outcomes for everyone.
The Law Offices of Patrick Markey, P.C., are located at 180 Stetson Avenue, Suite 3500 in Chicago, Illinois. You may call us at 312-223-1764.
FAQs
- What should I do if my child refuses to go with their other parent?
Start by calmly assessing the situation and seek professional guidance, such as a therapist experienced in reunification or family therapy. - Can I force my teenager to go?
While court orders may require visitation, it is often difficult to physically enforce with older teens. Understanding the emotional reasons behind the refusal is usually more effective. - What is reunification therapy?
Reunification therapy is a specialized form of therapy aimed at helping rebuild relationships between a parent and child when one parent has been alienated or estranged. - Could this be parental alienation?
Possibly. Children can unconsciously absorb negative messages about a parent. A therapist can help determine whether that’s the case. - How can Collaborative Divorce help prevent this?
Collaborative Divorce fosters open communication and co-parenting cooperation early on, reducing the likelihood of a child feeling caught between parents.
Patrick Markey is a Chicago based attorney who is an advocate of no court divorce options. He believes Collaborative Divorce and Mediation create better outcomes to your divorce process.
Mr. Markey is a member of Super Lawyers, an elite group of the top 5% of top lawyers (https://www.superlawyers.com). He is also listed as a top divorce lawyer by AVVO (https://www.avvo.com) and is a fellow of Collaborative Divorce Illinois (https://collaborativedivorceillinois.org), as well as a member of The Chicago Bar Association (https://www.chicagobar.org)