Put your ego aside if you want to be divorced quickly

Man’s ego

Many people come to my office tell me they want the case to be done quickly.  The thought of a long divorce case makes them sick, and it should. However, many people are not willing to do what it takes to make their divorce quicker because their ego gets in the way. The following are ways to keep your divorce going on forever:

1. Don’t listen to spouse or take his/her wants and needs seriously:  It is very common for two divorcing people to have different versions of what they believe to be a fair divorce settlement. The law provides guidance on what is fair, but does not always provide answers.  Lawyers, judges and litigants can all apply the same law to the same facts and get different results.   The law is also a guide, not a mandate in most cases.  Parties are free to agree on virtually any terms they wish unless that agreement somehow violates public policy somehow. Most agreements do not violate public policy.  So, your spouse is entitled to his/her position on settlement. If you don’t listen or take your spouses position seriously, you won’t be getting divorced any time soon.

2. Hold on to your legal positions at all costs: The law is not always fair.  Sometimes it provides for more money to a spouse when they deserve less.  Other times it does not provide enough money.  In some cases there is a large range of possibilities.  If you “hide behind law”  when negotiating with your spouse, you are likely certain to have your spouse do the same to you leading to a long case.

3. Caring about timing, terms or process: If you are upset by your spouse asking for bank records or other financial documents in order to help them make a decision in the case and resist it, you are in for a long case.  If you are the one that must dictate the process of the negotation or settlement, you are in for a long case.  If the discussion of certain items is off limits, you are in for long case.  If you need to right all the time…

4. Personal items: Your spouse cheated on you, your spouse was a controlling jerk, or your spouse caused or wanted the divorce. Put it all aside if you want be divorced in less than a year.